So I saw the mental health nurse practitioner today and she really brought me down. I told her of all of the meetings I've found and am attending. She focused on the fact that I've only had 4 days this month of no e.d. behavior. On a positive note, she prescribed Celexa, which will hopefully bring the ocd drive down to normal. I really am trying to get better, and I am better. I don't weigh 82 pounds. Infact, I don't know what I weigh since I stopped weighing myself last Thursday. I don't purge 5-8 times per day, I purge 0-1 time. I don't exercise 4 hours, I exercise for 30-40 minutes. She pointed out this: I've FAILED 3 treatment centers, how is a family practice dr going to make me better. He's a very busy guy, his exercises aren't going to cure me. It was so negative. I go back in 3 weeks for a medication check, and after that I'm seeing the psychiatrist. Hope he's more positive. Maybe she's just being real and I can't take it. I don't know anymore.
FOOD PLAN:
Slim Fast once today, NuGo granola bar twice today, 1/2 apple, cashews. Plan to eat a salad for dinner tonight.
E.D. BEHAVIORS:
Binged, purged one time. Meal replacements.
ATTENDANCE AT MEETINGS, CHURCH, BIBLE STUDY:
I went to church on Friday night at Real Life. I went alone and it was great. Sunday I attended 2 OA meetings. One was awful, the second one was great and I plan to go back. Tuesday morning I saw my counselor and Tuesday night I went to my bible study w/my spouse. Today's OA meeting has been cancelled.
STEP WORK:
none, still don't have a new sponsor. i don't like talking to the old sponsor on the phone. I feel hurt by her unannounced absence.
CODEPENDENCY:
My spouse hurt me last night by saying, "when you have Slim Fast for a meal, I consider it skipping that meal." I thought, then fine, I won't have anything then.
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