i'm hopeless

I'm hopeless about recovery today. I spoke w/my sponsor, telling her I've been doing great today and did great yesterday. Not 30 min. after our talk, I'm eating granola bars. I added my calorie total for the day so far and was over 800. I ate some more and purged it all. Now i have guilt and hopelessness. I'll have to tell on myself to my spouse and he'll be angry at me like he was a couple of nights ago. He doesn't deserve the truth, because he just gets angry at me and yells at me and then I feel worse. I give up, Lord. I give up. I'm not even going to try to get better for the rest of the day. I'm going to just ignore the whole damn thing.