so, so, so.....

Today has been the worst relapse day ever. I called my sponsor in the morning, but other than that, I really didn't use the tools of the program. Tomorrow I will. I plan to use the following tools tomorrow:
phone
journaling
food plan
commit food plan to food sponsor
contact main sponsor
read recovery literature
read Bible
pray
turn will over to God
exercise
do feelings exercise w/spouse

FOOD PLAN:
ate what I wanted when and where I wanted to

WORKING ON STEPS;
no, none

GRATITUDE:
I didn't die, I didn't get caught in a bad situation, didn't need the e.r. at KMC, still have family and friends. God hasn't abandoned me yet. I am forgiven.

E.D. BEHAVIORS:
binged and purged 3 or 4 separate times
skipped 2 meals: 1 before and 1 after b/p's.
dehydration state

ATTENDANCE OF CHURCH AND MEETINGS:
not today. Not aware of any meetings

PROGRESS IN CODEPENDENCY;
my schedule revolved around my kids' needs. camp, etc. Soccer mom, that's me.

tomorrow is a new day. I have tools available and i need to use them.
I don't know what I'm running away from. It may be the stress of Wednesday's appt, I don't know. My mom called and said that it would be a good idea for me to go into treatment the last 10 days of December and the first 10 days of January so that insurance would pay more. Yeah, Mom, if I'm still alive I'll be sure to do that. thanks.