it's been awhile

FOOD PLAN:
Following a book that suggests to eat when hungry ONLY. Stop eating when satisfied. Eat whatever you want. It worked yesterday. No e.d. behaviors yesterday. First good day this month. I tried to get off sugar and corn syrups completely but found it impossible at this time.

WORKING ON STEPS:
I am reading a new recovery Bible, doing the step work from the Celebrate Recovery workbook, meeting w/a lady that wants to sponsor me today, and attending Celebrate Recovery twice a week and OA twice a week. I'm journaling as well.

GRATITUDE;
Still alive, my family, my job, ability to do the things I want to do, the books that are helping me, a new friend, the animals around me and in my life.

E.D. BEHAVIORS:
Purging, restricting, exercising hard for an hour each time, weighing every day, worrying about getting fat, negative body image and thoughts that sustain that, not being totally honest and open w/Bo, fear of my clothes not fitting when I walk into my closet to get dressed. Denial.

ATTEND CHURCH, BIBLE STUDY, MEETINGS:
No church in 2 weeks. Bible study tonight, skipped Sunday OA meeting, but went to the Wednesday OA meeting. Going to Celebrate Recovery regularly.

PROGRESS IN CODEPENDENCY:
If I've made progress, I don't see it.

I think the new reading materials are good and are opening my eyes a bit. Get Thin Stay Thin and The Last Addiction are the newest books. I also bought the Celebrate Recovery Bible as it is required in class. I have a new friend and walking buddy, so we inspire each other to exercise. We also vent and share our lives w/each other. I'm getting more open about my illness w/Bo by writing my bad behaviors on the calendar. So far this month I've filled in 3 days out of 10 even though I've had bad behaviors 8 days out of 10. It's progress..... bo can't handle the whole truth of how I'm doing. He wants perfection and I am not capable of giving that right now. He's stressed about work as well. Why add fuel to the fire?